Movie Review: Wanted

Starring Angelina Jolie, Morgan Freeman, and some random guy with a plain face and a pretty decent body...

Husband decided he wanted to watch this movie instead of Top Chef - DC. In an effort to not be anti-social and watch Top Chef in the kitchen or in the bedroom I decided I would sit on the couch and watch it with him. Thank you TIVO.

In addition to sacrificing Top Chef I also had to watch this movie on a huge rear-projection TV with miss-aligned projectors. So for this ginormous TV we only had about an 8 - 12 inch area in the middle of the screen that did not look like we were watching a 3D movie w/out 3D glasses.

Ok, to the movie. Five words: "Trying too hard" and "it sucked."

I missed the first 5 minutes but apparently I didn't miss much (except AJ's ass which husband felt important to let me know) since Morgan helpfully filled us in on the entire plot in about 3 minutes of dialogue. Son is descendant from talented assassin who was "murdered" by another assassin who went rogue. Son is to avenge his "father's" death by killing the rogue assassin.

Son - a cog in the cubical wheel a la Fight Club (trying too hard) - is trained in the art of assassination in a matter of a few weeks and is put on secret missions w/ the slut - i mean w/ AJ - to kill random people as instructed by a SEWING LOOM (???) WTF? Maybe there was more to the "loom" in the first 5 minutes that i missed....

One of the most impressive skills these assassin's have is the ability to "bend" the trajectory of a bullet and aim perfectly to hit another bullet on the nose. Now... I am all for awesome sci-fi and fantasy movies that clearly have weapons and skills that no human could actually do (see the Matrix) BUT - this movie just rubs me the wrong way. I loved the Myth Busters episode dedicated to this movie that demonstrates that it is impossible to hit a bullet on the nose with another bullet and that it is impossible to "bend" the trajectory of a bullet... but i digress...

Son discovers all too late that the man he was hunting is actually his father. oops. he decides to avenge his father's death (committed by his hand) by killing the other assassins using rats with bombs attached to them with digital timex watches. Again, WTF??? Again... maybe I should have watched the first 5 minutes...

Anyways, after a lot of stupid BS all of the assassins are dead and he kills their leader, Freeman.

Throughout the movie the dude attempts to narrate his internal monologue in an attempt to be "edgy" - a very poor rip-off of Fight Club (one of the best movies ever).

Final result: Big waste of time. Don't bother.

Next up: The Hangover. Really funny? or Really Really Funny? We'll discuss.

Worst Movies Ever: The List

I am only listing movies I have actually seen.
A quick brouse of Rotten Tomatoes' list of 100 worst movies ever has shown me that there are many really bad movies that I have not seen. Thank god.
You will notice that many movies on my list have "A list actors". Just because you won an Oscar doesn't mean that you can't make bad movies....

The Talented Mr. Ripley (Matt Damon, Jude Law)
Fallen (Denzel Washington)
The Happening (Mark Wahlberg)
Anything with Madonna (except Desperately Seeking Susan)
Catwoman (Halle Berry)
Spice World
The Beach (Leo DiCaprio)
Galaxy Quest (Sigourney Weaver)
Die Hard 3 (Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson)
You've Got Mail (Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan) - yes, this movie is worse than "Joe Versus the Volcano" also starring these two actors....
Look Whose Talking and all sequels (John Travolta, Kirsty Ally)
Michael (John Travolta)
Phenomenon (John Travolta)
OK - i need to stop here... i am sure there are more that i can add to the list if I keep going further back in time. i am going to work on a new list. "Bad Movies I'm Willing To Watch Again."
Coming soon.

Movie Review: The Happening

One of my top 5 WORST MOVIES I HAVE EVER SEEN. Don't spend any money to see this movie! Don't even bother spending 2 hours of your life watching this movie for free on HBO. It is 2 hours of your life you will never get back. You would be better off watching reruns of "Designed to Sell" on HGTV for 2 hours.
Seriously. D and I spent the entire two hours simultaneously laughing and cringing at the horrible dialogue and acting by John Leguizamo, Mark Wahlberg (no disrespect), and the chick that plays his wife. I think the only decent performance in the movie is by the little girl - and i HATE kid actors. Not sure what else I can say about it. Just stay away...
Maybe it is time for a "Worst Movies Ever" list... i'll get to work on this right now.

Movies that take place in Congress

I am tainted forever. I assume a lot of people are this way when they see their profession performed up on the big screen. I really have a hard time enjoying movies that take place in Congress or have anything to do with how Congress operates because i find myself nit-picking every little thing and my mind can't help but recognize when something is totally wrong or wouldn't be done a certain way.
For example - I watched Evan Almighty over the weekend.
Evan is a freshman Congressman newly elected from New York. He arrives on the Hill - and parks in his assigned parking spot on the West Lawn of the Capitol Building. He enters the building to greetings of "Goodmorning Congressman Baxter" from everyone he passes. He enters his palatial office and meets his Congressional staff for the first time. Apparently he only knows his office manager (Wanda Sikes - who is really funny) and his COS - Although he identifies his title as "Legislative Assistant" but I have NEVER met an LA over 40 and this guy looks like he is at least 45....
A few minutes later the LA carries in a 2 foot stack of paper - a bill he says - that the Senior Member from Wherever wants him to "Junior Co-sponsor" and he expects Evan to READ the entire bill over the weekend!! HA HA HA!!! This is too funny! Everything about this is ALL wrong and therefore taints my viewing experience.
Becides nit-picking my way through the movie i really did enjoy it - quite cheesy with a very strong pro-environmental bend - but it wasn't a bad way to waste an afternoon.

Movie Review: Anger Management

I got Anger Management starring Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson delivered from Netflix last week. S.O. and I watched it last night. I was not impressed.

I am a fan of Adam Sandler and usually like his movies (Waterboy - classic). This movie just didn't do it for me. Overall, it wasn't funny. There are a few (4) funny scenes in the movie and two of them involved the fat cat named Meatball. The third - in case you are interested - is when the Lawyer (Kevin Nealon) threw a tennisball at a blind guy in court to see how blind he really is. The 4th is when Woody Harrilson is dressed up in drag.... geeze. It has been a while since i wanted to turn off a new movie mid play. it really was that bad.

I can't wait to see what the next moviedelivered is...

Movie Review: Fight Club

I saw this movie once a few years ago and was disturbed by it but enjoyed it. I picked it up at Best Buy after Christmas and just got around to watching it again. This time it was a little different because i knew how the movie ended so as i watched the movie I spend the whole time wondering how "Jack" could be doing all of these things himself and to see if there are any continunity issues - people addresing Tyler directly or something like that... I didn't find anything, but my reaction was the same as the first time I saw the movie - disturbing and mind blowing... it makes me wonder why more people who are slaves to the corporate Ikea world we live in don't just totally lose their shit and start a revolution.

I watched the movie again today but this time with the commentary function turned on - Edward Norton, Brad Pitt, Helena Bonam Carter, and the Director. It was interesting to get their take on how the movie was shot and the difficulties they had with the filming, etc.

I am going to watch more movies with the commentary function....