Movie Review: Wanted

Starring Angelina Jolie, Morgan Freeman, and some random guy with a plain face and a pretty decent body...

Husband decided he wanted to watch this movie instead of Top Chef - DC. In an effort to not be anti-social and watch Top Chef in the kitchen or in the bedroom I decided I would sit on the couch and watch it with him. Thank you TIVO.

In addition to sacrificing Top Chef I also had to watch this movie on a huge rear-projection TV with miss-aligned projectors. So for this ginormous TV we only had about an 8 - 12 inch area in the middle of the screen that did not look like we were watching a 3D movie w/out 3D glasses.

Ok, to the movie. Five words: "Trying too hard" and "it sucked."

I missed the first 5 minutes but apparently I didn't miss much (except AJ's ass which husband felt important to let me know) since Morgan helpfully filled us in on the entire plot in about 3 minutes of dialogue. Son is descendant from talented assassin who was "murdered" by another assassin who went rogue. Son is to avenge his "father's" death by killing the rogue assassin.

Son - a cog in the cubical wheel a la Fight Club (trying too hard) - is trained in the art of assassination in a matter of a few weeks and is put on secret missions w/ the slut - i mean w/ AJ - to kill random people as instructed by a SEWING LOOM (???) WTF? Maybe there was more to the "loom" in the first 5 minutes that i missed....

One of the most impressive skills these assassin's have is the ability to "bend" the trajectory of a bullet and aim perfectly to hit another bullet on the nose. Now... I am all for awesome sci-fi and fantasy movies that clearly have weapons and skills that no human could actually do (see the Matrix) BUT - this movie just rubs me the wrong way. I loved the Myth Busters episode dedicated to this movie that demonstrates that it is impossible to hit a bullet on the nose with another bullet and that it is impossible to "bend" the trajectory of a bullet... but i digress...

Son discovers all too late that the man he was hunting is actually his father. oops. he decides to avenge his father's death (committed by his hand) by killing the other assassins using rats with bombs attached to them with digital timex watches. Again, WTF??? Again... maybe I should have watched the first 5 minutes...

Anyways, after a lot of stupid BS all of the assassins are dead and he kills their leader, Freeman.

Throughout the movie the dude attempts to narrate his internal monologue in an attempt to be "edgy" - a very poor rip-off of Fight Club (one of the best movies ever).

Final result: Big waste of time. Don't bother.

Next up: The Hangover. Really funny? or Really Really Funny? We'll discuss.